OK...I'm gonna do it again...play devil's advocate
I do not have any children yet and can really only speak from the perspective of adult adoptee, but if I TRY to put myself in the shoes of AP's I can imagine some of the answers you interjected on their behalf might change:
self concious because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--How about: because I have adopted children? CHECK ("Are people staring at me because my children don't look like me?")
fear of abandonment because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--How about: because I have adopted children? CHECK ("Will my child "abandon" me in search of his/her birthparents?")
people pleasing because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--How about: because I have adopted children? CHECK ("How can I please my child and make sure he/she loves me and doesn't decide to leave me?")
immense grief because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--How about: because I have adopted children? CHECK (Grief of 1) The loss of bearing children and 2) Knowledge of the loss your child faces as he/she is relinquished by birthparents)
a huge void in my life because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--I'll give you this one on the AP's perspective but coming from myself...because I am adopted? NO (Only if I allow myself to feel that way)
like a mistake because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--Ditto "a huge void in my life"...only if I allow myself to feel that way...NO ONE can EVER tell me that I was a mistake, no matter who they are!
like something important was ripped from me forever without my choice because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--How about: because I have adopted children? CHECK (the ability to conceive and bear children and/or in the case of continuous miscarriages...definitely...a child was ripped from her body FOREVER without her choice!)
like I am less of a person than other people who have not been in my shoes because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? NO
--How about: because I have adopted children? CHECK ("Why can I not bear children? What is wrong with me? What do others do that I cannot?" I believe the list of reasons to feel like less of a person must be endless for an adoptive parent.)
often misunderstood because I am adopted? CHECK because I have adopted children? CHECK
--Amen!
So, again, playing devil's advocate...I don't know if this is how AP's really feel or not. Are these feelings right, if they are accurate? Probably not always! Do they put a feeling of pressure and unhappiness on us AA's knowing that our AP's might have felt this way? OF COURSE!!! But can we deny that AP's might also experience some of these emotions? I don't think so. Whether right or wrong, they are human and feel things as deeply and painfully as we do! Just because they make the choice to experience these emotions does not mean they are not entitled to them the same as you and I. Just some food for thought
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***Note: I accidentally removed my post when I changed my screen name from shoolady to IrenesEqual. Sorry for the confusion! Aaagh! I can't get the hang of this message board stuff
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