I would appreciate any help you can give for resouces, studies and the like.
We all know that adoption sucks, but it already has been done in this case and what I am looking for are reasons to open an adoption that has been closed by aprents.
Here's the deal. I suspected that this child I look after on occasion was adopted because she will be 5 next month and "mom and dad" don't look a thing like her. In fact she looks half Mexican/Central American (but funnily enough, she doesn't not have the "Spanish" accent that comes with the Mexican adoptee
) and the parents are totally white. and....well I can really understand her. We relate well. She just "acts" adopted if that makes any sense. She has all the symptoms. she feels like an adoptee. Anyway, since I am terribly "malcriado" as James' mother would say (in a teasing, loving way). So I decided I was going to ask. However, I know about amums and not to ask them about adoption because....well you know. So I waited until dad came to pick her up. She was in Sam's bedroom playing with Sam.
We were talking about her birthday party coming up because Sam and I are invited to it. Then it went to talk about when she was a baby. So I innocently ask, "So were you in the delivery room when your wife gave birth?" He says, "Well my wife and I were in the room when our birthmother was giving birth to her, yes."
"Oh she's adopted, then. Hmm. So am I."
"Really Oh how wonderful!" he replies.
"So her birth mother will be at the party, then. I would love to meet her!"
"Uh...well....uh no actually she won't. We don't have much contact with her other than photos and updates once a year."
We continued talking and I got out of him that they did originally plan for an open adoption, but then they decided to cut off visits at one year because
they thought it was "too hard" on the bmum.
They thought it would be "too confusing" for the little girl.
And after he was through justifying their actions, I said, "So your wife felt too threatened by the birth mum to continue the visits, then." Boy did I get a look, but then he looked at the ground and said, "Yes I suppose that was part of it."
So then I ask about how the bmum feels about it and he said that he thought she was pretty upset at first but "I am sure she is over it by now".
What I want to do is get all the material I can about how damaging this sort of adoption is to the CHILD, print it out, and present it to them. They probably won't listen, but it may plant the seed. My God, that poor mother and baby. They must be in so much pain at the hands of these arseholes.
I think Sam and I will get ourselves uninvited from that birthday party.