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Secrets & Lies Revisited

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Nina
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« on: May 05, 2007, 09:41:22 pm »

Just watched Secrets & Lies.  Again. 

Still love it.  But...this is the first time I've watched it since "awakening" and reunion. 

One thing struck me. 

How about you? 

The main character seemed so, well, confident and secure in who she was.  Funny, that's how people who know me describe me, but inside, I'm so insecure.  Better now after reunion. 

Also, you know where her mum says she couldn't hold her as a baby because she just couldn't.  She was just 16.  I just sobbed.  My mom said she refused to see or hold me because she couldn't get attached.  It really did me in. 

I guess what I'm saying is that the movie adoptee seemed so stable...even in the face of some really awful reunion stuff going on.  Maybe I just needed to see a fetal position or two to make it realistic. 
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Stewie
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« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2007, 09:50:00 pm »

Nina, I did the SAME thing. I saw that movie in 2000, and liked it, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD was completely removed from it...is that not STRANGE?!

But I watched it again last year...different experience for me. What struck me more than the adoptees measured-sensibility was the over-the-top kookiness of the mom. I REALLY liked her character, she was very real but I thought that was a tad hollywood. I'm going to netflix it again and really fine-tooth-comb it for more insight.

I do agree with you about the adoptees lack of emotion at times...I will come back here with more thoughts after a fresh viewing. Good thread.
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« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2007, 09:50:52 pm »

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I guess what I'm saying is that the movie adoptee seemed so stable...even in the face of some really awful reunion stuff going on.  Maybe I just needed to see a fetal position or two to make it realistic.

I agree.  It would have been more realistic if we had seen at least ONE moment of her revealing the effects of the crazy-making mindfuck that rears its head in reunion.

I suspect the screenplay was written by a natural mom - that is what they seem to see, a stable person.  My but don't we all put on a good show.


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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2007, 09:55:30 pm »

Is it showing on IFC again or did you rent it? I remember seeing a bit of it when it was  on IFC I think a year ago but it made me irrationally angry and I turned it off.
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« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2007, 10:12:20 pm »

I am one of the most stable looking people you will ever come across. My **** is quite together.  Even if a natural mom didn't write it, I think that is how we are viewed as a whole - we are either psycho or perfect. You either kill someone or get a fulbright scholarship.

I also didn't quite love the fact that her search takes place after both her parents are dead...while it was good cinematically, I think, it sort of says "since this adoptee had no one to 'hurt' by her search, it was OK" kwim? It didn't detract from the film but it did cross my mind.

The part that is the realest to me was when she asks about her dad and brenda blethyn breaks down in tears and never tells. and we never know what happened...kinda like my story acutally...it seemed very real to me.
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« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2007, 10:18:43 pm »

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it sort of says "since this adoptee had no one to 'hurt' by her search, it was OK" kwim?

Yeah.  Seems as though it was a subtle hint to us adoptees.   Grin
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Nina
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« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2007, 10:42:09 am »

Is it showing on IFC again or did you rent it? I remember seeing a bit of it when it was  on IFC I think a year ago but it made me irrationally angry and I turned it off.

I Tivo'd it, so I'm not sure which channel.  I think IFC. 

Good point about her waiting until after both her parents were dead.  Although, I was such a brainwashed zombie myself I waited 'til the next best thing...one parent dead and the other in dementia. 

The other Hollywood thing about this unHollywood movie is the adoptee's never wavering determination to have a relationship, even though her mom is really kooky and sometimes says hurtful things.  This part actually made me feel AWFUL.  My first mom is self-centered and doesn't seem very interested in ME and my life and my experience (that's just the way she is, I'm told) and my reaction has been to retreat.  After living with two self-centered/controlling A-parents, I just can't open myself up to a third such relationship.  At no point does the adoptee whine and complain about her mom to anyone. 

Okay, now I'm getting all nit picky.  My God, it is a MOVIE.  But there are so few about us that it's easy to get the panties in a bunch.   
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