I read adopters posting about adoptees asking questions about their mothers, identity etc. and I find myself getting frustrated with how the child's real needs are dismissed or whitewashed.
When I was a child and I asked my amother about my mother - I asked because I wanted to know my mother, plain and simple...I didn't only want to know her hair colour and body type....I wanted to see her, feel her and talk to her. When I asked my amother for the one thounsandth time what she remembered of my mother....I wanted to see for myself. A description was accepted as better than nothing, but I wanted to KNOW MY MOTHER. I WANTED TO **** KNOW MY OWN MOTHER How dare others feed me scraps of information about MY IDENTITY. A child wants to know why their named changed....why was it necessary to change their name??
For me it was like banging my head against a wall and not one person noticed. I just don't get this telling children bits and pieces of who they are and where they come from, when it IS POSSIBLE to allow a child to know their family. Do adopters have any idea how frustrating this is? How, after time, the adoptee just caves to the powers greater than them and keeps everything inside? How they eventually just stop asking because they know it's a lost cause? OMG, it's mental torture to deny a child contact with their mother and family. What's the point? Really, what's the **** point?
Children aren't just "curious" about their mothers and who they look like....this a fundamental need in human beings.....to be and feel connected to their people. I can't stand how adoption sweeps this need under the carpet....adoption is not about creating new families....WE HAVE A FAMILY!
When kids ask about their mother....that means they want to know their mothers.....if mother and child become close that child wants to return to her/his mother and mother also wants this....THEN THE TWO ARE REUNITED.
Closed adoptions should be illegal. It should be against the law seal a person's identity, not fabricate it and lock it away.
You are so right, Michelle. This bits & pieces of minor information ... well it's kind of like being teased with spoonfuls of pudding. Want more? Hahaha no, we're giving it to the dogs instead. NO MORE INFORMATION for YOU!!
