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SURROGATE Adoptees???


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Author Topic: SURROGATE Adoptees???  (Read 622 times)
Nina
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« on: April 28, 2007, 09:43:19 pm »

Was just thinking.  One of the things I LOVE about this forum is that I'm learning so much about the experiences of other adoptees.  Do you think it's appropriate to add a place for adoptees of surrogate arrangements ?  I've come across some online and the thing that struck me is that they are all of a certain age...still rather young...and there is no one older to "listen."  Crap.  I hope this doesn't sound condescending.  Smite me!  But when I read their posts, I feel a sort of kinship...even though there are significant differences.  Everytime I read something of and about the sons and daughters of surrogates and sperm donors, well, I worry.  Should we reach out? 
 
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Stewie
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« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2007, 09:48:20 pm »

I think its a fine idea. Sarah UK is one herself. What's the proper term, is it adoptee by surrogacy? Sarah, let me know and I'll list it!  I know you've been referring to yourself at times as "lite" but frankly you qualify as "stout" IMO....do adoptees by surrogacy have a coined title?

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Gershom
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« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2007, 09:57:27 pm »

(((Sarah)))
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« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2007, 10:03:11 pm »

  Sarah!
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Sarah
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« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2007, 07:43:43 am »

I heart you all, too!!!  Thank you for asking!!

I think I identify with the title of adoptee or adopted person, because that is just what I am  However for clarity I say adoptee from surrogacy.

Actually I don't even like to use surrogacy nor do I "believe" in it. Surrogate means "substitute" or "in place of". The name the wrong woman as the surrogate. My mother is my mother and the woman who adopted me is the surrogate mother as she took my mum's place. She is my substitute mother and I am her substitute child. I am not saying that in a mean way (not that I have to justify myself and profess undying love for amum every time I say something negative  Wink) I am just telling it like it is.

She is my substitute mother because she took the place of real mum. I am her substitute child because I took the place of the child, that magical, mystical, non-existent real child, that she would have had with my father had she been fertile. As you all know, it is almost impossible to fill those Wellies.

I know of a lot of donor conceived adults and a few children of surrogacy. I know some "surrogate" (I hate that word) mums as well. The kids are anywhere from 16 to 26 and they came from 3 different programs run throughout the States in the eighties. Thing is, like many donor children, I don't believe a lot of them know of their true situation.

I get so much crap from these people who do surrigacies it is not funny. They are some of the scariest and twisted people I have ever come across. Really really brainwashed. The ones that aren't programmed have been quite lovely, however. It's like I am some kind of...mythical beast....the unicorn of surrogacy to them or something. "OOOOOOoooooooooooh! a Surrogate child! So this is what they look like when they grow up and loose the novelty of a new purchase" like I am some stupid Fabrege (sp?) egg that they found in the attic of their dead aunt. Um, well I don't feel special and I don't want everyone examining me (those morons, that is, not anyone here)  Wink
I find they especially want to get me to be happy that they bought or sold several children and that they all have amazing lives and ponies. Well, they are **** 4 years old. In another 14 years their ponies will be sold (or dead) and they will be on message boards like this one  Azn
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« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2007, 08:08:16 am »

Nina, here is my blog. Linked there are a few more blogs from donor conceived adults and another person who is a surrogate child all grown up and pissed off. I think though he is in college and quite busy. I can never get him to answer my emails, although he has one or two times and has been amazingly, wonderfully loving and sympathetic/empathetic.

http://umbliclychallenged.blogspot.com/

I hate the look of it and totally need to update links, but I am not all that wunnerfuls with computers. I am a lot better now. ****, James had to teach me to use a mouse and now look what I can do 
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Michelle
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« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2007, 05:47:12 am »

Came across a post by the son of a surrogate....awesome, just awesome. I love this guy.



http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/
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« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2007, 08:52:53 am »

Came across a post by the son of a surrogate....awesome, just awesome. I love this guy.



http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/

Michelle, I had Brian's link on my blog for a few months.  I finally took it off because he has not updated for almost 9 months.  That would not bother me if I knew he was okay, but I am so worried about him that I cannot even look at his blog.  If anyone reads this and is in contact with him, please PLEASE let me know. 
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Sarah
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« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2007, 09:00:02 am »

I haven't heard from him in a long time either, Julie.

I just wrote him an email.
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« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2007, 09:26:10 am »

I haven't heard from him in a long time either, Julie.

I just wrote him an email.

Sarah, I wrote a comment on his blog several months ago, but it wouldn't register.  Which added to my worries.
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Nina
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« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2007, 08:53:47 pm »

I get so much crap from these people who do surrigacies it is not funny. They are some of the scariest and twisted people I have ever come across. Really really brainwashed. The ones that aren't programmed have been quite lovely, however. It's like I am some kind of...mythical beast....the unicorn of surrogacy to them or something. "OOOOOOoooooooooooh! a Surrogate child! So this is what they look like when they grow up and loose the novelty of a new purchase" like I am some stupid Fabrege (sp?) egg that they found in the attic of their dead aunt. Um, well I don't feel special and I don't want everyone examining me (those morons, that is, not anyone here)  Wink
I find they especially want to get me to be happy that they bought or sold several children and that they all have amazing lives and ponies. Well, they are **** 4 years old. In another 14 years their ponies will be sold (or dead) and they will be on message boards like this one  Azn


SARAH:  First, thank you for explaining the nuances of a very complicated way to come into the world.  I think terms are important.  I also think the people they apply to should define them as they see fit.  Also, thanks for the links...which I will use. 

The above quote really got me.  While there are important differences between our circumstances, it seems we assorted adoptees, separated by thousands of miles and often by decades, share the same sort of push-back by those involved with the industries responsible for our fate.  And if I think it's bad just being adopted, I'm horrified at what it must be like to bear the burden of being a widely heralded Marvel of Modern Science.  That you don't buy the promotion and propaganda - having lived with its consequences - seems to invite  personal attacks of the most vile nature  instead of dialogue about questionable reproductive technologies.  I can totally see why you feel like "product."  Absolutely.  No one wants to hear the product speak.  Especially if it's not Happy Gratitude Twaddle.  I think you are very brave Sarah.  You did a really great job explaining the whole adoptee by surrogacy issue. 

But it seems like you and those of the sperm donor generation get it IN SPADES.  Maybe because there was so much written   
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Michelle
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« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2007, 09:06:37 pm »

Sarah, thank you too for sharing your views. Did you find your mum? There is an MSN board run by s-moms...they are the ones that feel roped in by the whole thing. Do you know it? I can try and find it. I only read a few posts and it seemed like they were anti-surrogate.

Yeah, Zolo, I saw the blog (after) with your article. That's strage he's not repsonded to anyone.
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Sarah
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« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2007, 11:47:07 am »

Hi yes I did find mum. My parents knew exactly where she was the whole time because, well, dad had to get her pregnant so they went to doctors appointments together and they were there to pick me up at the hospital. Oh yeah they knew each other. ****, I got to read over the "contract" they made for my purchase. Ten grand was all I was worth.
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« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2007, 11:56:03 am »

Oh, Sarah...ouch... these stories just break my heart, honestly... I wonder sometimes if adopters punish their adoptee because of infertility. Maybe you've posted already about the relationship with your mum....is it going well? Who got the ten grand, your mum?
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« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2007, 12:21:36 pm »

Quote
****, I got to read over the "contract" they made for my purchase. Ten grand was all I was worth.

OMG, Sarah.  I cannot imagine how painful that was to see.  I think I might have wanted to murder them.
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