Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change
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Coco
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« on: April 27, 2007, 10:31:07 am »

The more I think about the advertising in adoption, the more unhappy I am.

The agencies encourage this whole mess like the MySpace thing, but it's been around for a while now and it makes me feel just, well, like crap.  Tongue

I happen to know that the big agency in my city brings boxes of candy (to sweeten the deal, right?) along with flyers depicting a sad looking young woman with a fake baby bump to local OB/GYN's offices regularly. Others encourage their clients to send their profiles to those doctor's offices, to planned parenthood offices, and to college counseling departments. Then there's those horrible classified ads, don't even get me started. And adoption agencies contacting young women who are pregnant and NOT EVEN MENTIONING adoption? It's just wrong.

I don't agree with it. I think it is wrong to try and solicit an expectant parent with that kind of thing. So I guess my first project should be trying to get the laws to change here, in my state. Anyone got any ideas for a good starting point?
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Stewie
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« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2007, 10:40:10 am »

I agree. It is really sick how they solicit babies....and I have NO idea where to start to get this kind of crap halted.  I see this as a violation of a woman's right to privacy, to have these agencies contacting pregnant women, bringing candy to the doctors?!    UGH!!!!!!

It REALLY distresses me, as a woman. I honestly believe some of us women are doing in OTHER women...isn't this a woman's rights issue? How come we value middle class infertile women more than we value young, pregnant women who may not have the same kind of stability? Aren't we leaving them out in the cold? It's shameful. It is shameful that so many women don't see this. Feminism has TOTALLY overlooked expectant mothers. Instead of working to help them parent, they are encouraging this kind of thing.

Hell, the laws in my state say "natural mother" in the adoption statutes. Fine, right?  Well, the Bar Association is working to CHANGE that language to read Birth Mother. WHAT THE **** AND WHY?Huh?Huh?Huh?Huh?  If that isn't a slap in the face, a marginalization, a put-you-in-your-place-teenmom action then I don't know what is.

All of that to say, Coco, that I don't know WHAT to do about it. What will work?
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MarLo
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« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2007, 11:14:11 am »

Coco,

I agree that advertising for a mom to give up her baby is sick.  I think its part of the idea our society has been pushing more and more, that it just doesn't matter how you get a baby, they are all interchangeable and they don't need to have any connection to their heritage, family or themselves really.  I think the big question is how to get this trend to turn the other way - and for people to understand that breaking up the family connection causes all kinds of damage to all parties.  Everyone here knows that but out in the real world a lot of people believe Angelina Jolie and the God-loving mother wanna be from My Space are saints. 

One thing that would help, I think is if more of our stories are told.  One big problem is that there are so many adoptees who aren't in touch with their pain and loss.  They are the fierce advocates for adoption because they feel so bad about themselves they need to keep thanking the world for not throwing them in the garbage.  I was like that for a good long time so I don't condemn any adoptee for their position or their need to protect themselves, but I think the more moms and adoptees speak out about the pain, the better.  People don't want to hear it but we need to keep trying.   

Its sad Stewie that your state wants to change 'natural' mother to 'birth' mother.  Again, the trend is heading in the wrong direction!  I hear in foster care situations the court likes to talk about the best interest of the child - and they gives lip service at least to prefering the natural family if possible, so why can't that be carried into the pre-adoption situation.  Not only the best interest of the child -but the mother too.  There is plenty of evidence that giving up a child will cause the mother, father and extended family harm, and will also harm the child.  Dream on right?

MarLo


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Coco
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« Reply #3 on: April 27, 2007, 11:23:10 am »

One would hope that the doctor's offices and other people in authority would simply throw such offensive and intrusive things away. But you know it's worked at least once, or they wouldn't be bragging about it as part of their "networking".

The entire reach of the infant adoption industry is simply everywhere. "Adoption as THE Loving Option" (as if parenting is not loving, nor an option) has been brainwashed into so many people's heads that most of the general populace doesn't even consider how hurtful it is to many, many, many of those affected by the losses it creates. I absolutely blame the so-called professionals for encouraging this mentality.  

The thing is, I also can't imagine that it's particularly fulfilling to the adoptee later in life to learn, for example, "Hey, we 'found' you by placing an ad in the Nifty Nickel!"

Not exactly a sweet story.  :(

I wrote a long journal entry about this quite some time ago. I'll have to dig it up and repost it here.

Well, I have to start somewhere. I guess I'll write my elected officials and ask that they consider heavily restricting all advertising related to adoption.

I'm certain they'll be incredibly receptive.  
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