Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change
August 10, 2022, 07:33:37 pm
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: IMPORTANT AND EXCITING NEWS!!!STAY TUNED...
 
   Home   Help Search Gallery Links Staff List Login Register  
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 10
 11 
 on: May 10, 2007, 06:00:46 pm 
Started by Lillie - Last post by Lillie
Change your bookmarks, pack your bags, and let's get outta here!

Your groovy AFC admins are proud to announce the NEW home of AFC..... (drumroll please!)


http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php


 


Come on over and join the party!!!

As of tomorrow, these boards will be read-only and will remain here for archive purposes only.  We wish to continue the discussions on the new boards.  If you have posted links to this board on your blogs, please remember to change the link to our new home.

Thanks, and we're looking forward to seeing you at adultadoptees.org!!

 12 
 on: May 10, 2007, 04:05:21 pm 
Started by SoloZolo - Last post by SoloZolo

Hey how crazy is that, that I was willing to take a supportive role in my own life story Azn


I think that is partly why being adopted can be so crazy-making. Plus not being privy to one's own history, and accepting that!?!  I guess a lot of us have led "back-seat" lives.

Irene - I, too,  am inclined to spur others to think outside the box.  My friends IRL talk often about me and my "golden crowbar."    But in this place, I do have to think twice and remember the company and the purpose.  I've discovered that, although I have much to teach and to inspire, I also have much to learn.  You don't really have to apologize or explain.  We do understand.

 13 
 on: May 10, 2007, 12:51:15 pm 
Started by SoloZolo - Last post by Justice
I guess what bother's me is that this is seen as a "debate".  There shouldn't BE an adoptive parent "devil's advocate" position here. 

How does one see this as a debate? This is about the feelings of the adoptee. Period.

The feelings of the aparent should NOT NOT NEVER be in conflict with the FEEEEEEELLLINGS of the adoptee. They should be two separate things.

I HATE that it is so ingrained in so many of us that we have to debate whose feelings are more worthy. Or that if *I* feel a certain way, my aparent is going to feel a certain way and that I MUST take that into consideration.

I may take other peoples feelings into consideration, because I am a kind and compassionate person....but NOT because I am adopted, and my parents have adoptive parents issues. I am NOT here to heal them.

I was just born. I just showed up in this place.  I refuse to see this as a debate, I refuse to see the need for a "devil's advocate"

With all due respect, Irene, while your points about aparents feelings are valid, I just hate seeing them played off adoptees feelings. It shits me. I'm glad you brought up this topic, it feels good to discuss. (and certainly no offense taken - I hope you won't take offense at my response...)
 

This is IMPORTANT!!
IMH(and holy)O...  {Aside and apart from offense being taken}  Adoptees need a safe place to explore and OWN their feelings, to get to know their feelings, to hear them and learn from themselves.  They get lots of opportunities to exchange with their aparents, IRL and in their own heads echoing throughout their development.

again *IMO* coming to terms with identity as an adoptee seems like it might be kind of like adolescence X10 --  needing to find oneself without constant parental supervision.  God I didn't mean that to sound condescending.  But I know reunion with my daughter sent me spiralling back to my adolescence and reliving my own development, so I figure I can share.

 14 
 on: May 10, 2007, 11:12:41 am 
Started by SoloZolo - Last post by joy
I understand, I was the same way for a long time, in fact I am still guilty of it to a certain degree, wanting to view things from my aparent's point of view.  Not being able to put myself first, in my own life.


Hey how crazy is that, that I was willing to take a supportive role in my own life story Azn



Well no more Angry



It is hard to be new when we all have been at this for a million years, for me discovering what adoption has meant to me has taken a long time, and involved many twists and turns, and I am actually still firguing it out.

 15 
 on: May 10, 2007, 11:03:38 am 
Started by SoloZolo - Last post by IrenesEqual
Thanks Joy and Stewie for your responses.  And no offense taken!

I apologize for using the term "debate" as that was not really my intent (I've never been one comfortable with debating).  I believe I used the word "debate" when I should have used the word "discussion" since that was my goal.  I really didn't want to create hard feelings or get myself "smote", but merely wanted to get an idea of where AA's are coming from.  As I wrote before, I am new to all of this, and have just-born emotions and thoughts that might not be as deep-felt as some of you.  I am and was well-aware that this is an Adoptee Support forum, which again, is why I joined.  Not that I necessarily felt that I need support, but rather interested in the support other AA's need.  I appreciate the discussion that we have had related to this topic but in the future will definitely keep my thoughts regarding AP's to myself and/or left to share on a different message board.

 16 
 on: May 10, 2007, 08:03:09 am 
Started by SoloZolo - Last post by Stewie
I guess what bother's me is that this is seen as a "debate".  There shouldn't BE an adoptive parent "devil's advocate" position here. 

How does one see this as a debate? This is about the feelings of the adoptee. Period.

The feelings of the aparent should NOT NOT NEVER be in conflict with the FEEEEEEELLLINGS of the adoptee. They should be two separate things.

I HATE that it is so ingrained in so many of us that we have to debate whose feelings are more worthy. Or that if *I* feel a certain way, my aparent is going to feel a certain way and that I MUST take that into consideration.

I may take other peoples feelings into consideration, because I am a kind and compassionate person....but NOT because I am adopted, and my parents have adoptive parents issues. I am NOT here to heal them.

I was just born. I just showed up in this place.  I refuse to see this as a debate, I refuse to see the need for a "devil's advocate"

With all due respect, Irene, while your points about aparents feelings are valid, I just hate seeing them played off adoptees feelings. It shits me. I'm glad you brought up this topic, it feels good to discuss. (and certainly no offense taken - I hope you won't take offense at my response...)

 17 
 on: May 10, 2007, 01:17:50 am 
Started by SoloZolo - Last post by joy
Point well-taken, Solo!

I was not aiming to take a stand for one side or the other...just simply playing "devil's advocate".  I am one who likes to think from all different sides of the aisle and like to encourage others to do so as well.  I joined this forum because I am very much interested in learning more about the issues facing AA's and I look to all of you to help me in that endeavor.  I apologize if I offended anyone...just want to spark a discussion. 


I understand, I just get leery, and I will tell you exactly why, it is not because I don't care about adoptive parents and their issues, I do.

I care about people in a general way, I love my own adoptive parents in a very specific way, so much so that I am easily seduced into thinking that I am capable of healing them.

And when I get into thinking about them and their feelings, I tend to do so at the expense of my own.  And yes, Marsha is an adoptive mom, BUT not out of infertility, and I do think infertility, when you have grown up your whole life just wanting to be a wife and mommy has got to be incredibly painful.

I feel like I have infertility issues because I care so much about how my own mother feels.


But infertility is a separate issue from adoption.

 18 
 on: May 10, 2007, 12:38:34 am 
Started by Melinda - Last post by SoloZolo
Quote
...an incredibly sloppy piece of journalism...

That about sums it up.

 19 
 on: May 09, 2007, 11:56:20 pm 
Started by Melinda - Last post by gabbymoggy
notice this

Here at home, those working in the field estimate 57 babies a day are abandoned across the country.

Not any names of those people working in the field, no names no recognised statiscal gathering organisations, no government unit quoted. 'Those working in the field' is an incredibly sloppy piece of journalism and reading the whole piece would indicate that the person writing it is not doing so from having researched it but from their personl opinion.

In San Francisco, for example, a report suggested that because the Pomeranian had been abandoned once, it may have sensed the infant's plight.

huh? What report, or was it someones guess or feeling? I know it ends kind of in the right direction but really it is quite a negative piece and many would not take that last bit, it should have been nearer to the beginning.

 20 
 on: May 09, 2007, 11:34:49 pm 
Started by Melinda - Last post by lhjh4
I think that number is just WAY off

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 10
Bookmark this site! | Upgrade This Forum
SMF For Free - Create your own Forum
Powered by SMF | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines
Privacy Policy